Humor: Letters

I've been writing a lot of letters recently. Here are some of my favorites...

To a blogger looking for more writers:
"I'm not sure if any of the above demonstrates my intelligence, talent, or humor, as it's pretty hard to measure any of those qualities without a set of calipers and a racial agenda. Rest assured, however, that my head is significantly larger than that of the average human, and I estimate that upwards of 250 standard-sized pieces of grapeshot could fit into my cranial cavity if it were first hollowed of its contents."

To a local Cambridge gym:
"The gym is generally an uninviting, latently (and occasionally openly) aggressive place. A certain amount of aggression is, of course, part of the lifting experience. I can’t think of many things more aggressive than pushing around heavy pieces of metal, primarily for cosmetic or ego purposes. What is unclear, however, is the productive role played by the punching bag that hung in the rear of the gym through much of the year. This bag was used as frequently as a punching bag (an appropriate use), as it was as a target for numerous knee-to-groin blows and full-shoulder charges. Needless to say, I’ve never felt comfortable thinking that the gym was being used to train street fighters. "